Or: Why Your Head No Longer Belongs to You
Brain research sounds harmless. Even helpful.
But The Truth™ is different: Behind the laboratory walls, there are completely different plans lurking.
Did you know that brain researchers aren't actually trying to understand human thought?
No, no, far from it.
The Truth™ is much crazier—and, of course, secret.
In underground laboratories, deep beneath well-known universities (and even deeper beneath the unknown ones), scientists with strict buns and coffee cups labeled “Trust No Brain” are working not to research neural networks—but to construct them.
Their goal?
A tangle of synapses they call Brain 2.0. Perfectly intertwined, perfectly controllable.
No more loose threads of thought that could suddenly spin new ideas! No more rebellious daydreams!
Initial tests were problematic, however:
The prototypes thought exclusively about wool socks, cinnamon rolls, and their 1987 tax returns.
Nevertheless, the project is continuing.
Officially, of course, in the name of science.
Unofficially, rumor has it that there is only one thing at stake:
ultimate access to your innermost desire for a third cup of coffee.
🧩 1. Operation Stupidity: Education with side effects!
They call it reform, digital media literacy, or creative learning.
We call it: a plan for collective stupidity.
For years, the education system has been restructured in such a way that critical thinking is systematically dying out.
Fast content, shallow formats, distractions every second.
Why?
Rumor has it that certain think tanks are providing data on how to fragment attention like puzzle pieces that can then be reassembled at will—or not.
The goal: empty minds.
More space for Updates™—more on that in 3.
🐝 2. Thinking in good company
(Looking for connection—please bring your brain)
Individual opinions are so 2020.
The future™ belongs to the swarm.
In secret bunkers (presumably under luxury hotels with windowless conference rooms), research is allegedly being conducted on Hive Mind 2030 – a project that wirelessly networks human brains.
The goal: a collective consciousness. A central supercomputer fed by millions of thought processes.
Why?
A swarm produces much more energy than the sum of its individuals – when it acts as a swarm.
Rumors of involvement by lobby groups, military AI projects, and an “automatic ethics filter” are, of course, denied.
Officially™, it's all about synergies.
🐢 3. Backup with Haus
You think you are you?
Hah.
In reality™, technologies are already being developed that can extract your consciousness and upload it to digital servers.
Backup of your self included – in the cloud or locally, depending on your subscription model.
But what happens to the original?
And who controls the copies?
The Advanced Identity Transfer platform (AIT – very coincidental) is even reportedly working on a transitional solution:
Consciousness is transferred to test animals.
Rats, mice – the classics.
However, more durable hosts are planned for long-term use.
Turtles, for example.
Because nothing says “stable data structure” like a reptile with its own home.
Project name: AIT-P.E.T.S. – Personal External Thought Storage
Slogan: Self storage – we are the real deal.
Coming soon: Backup animal available at any time for an additional charge.
🕵️♂️ Thoughts are free
Of course, it's all nonsense. Right?
You can sleep with peace of mind.
You are free.
Your thoughts are yours alone.
No one can read them.
Not yet.
Really.
Right?
Kommentar hinzufügen
Kommentare