A few days ago, I saw a meme:
Why do people always tell introverts that they need to get out of their comfort zone, but nobody tells extroverts to just shut up?
At first, I thought, “Yes, exactly” – which makes it quite clear which camp I feel I belong in.
But when I thought about it again, I got really angry – because that's not enough. It's not enough to stop dragging people who don't want to be in front of a camera or microphone, on stage or playing sports.
Yes, it would make life easier, but that's not the point. The point is the judgment on which all of this is based. For example: me (then no one can complain that I'm misinterpreting something).
For most of my life, I have spent my time in a state where I did not voluntarily leave the house except in unavoidable cases such as severe toothache. There were phases in between when I did so, which always ended in disaster of one kind or another sooner rather than later. Of course, this could be personal bad luck or due to some other character flaw—but I still assume that it's because “outside” (yes, that's what I call it, basically) is simply not my natural habitat. I am not, so to speak, suited to being outside.
Which is not a problem per se—why should it be? I can organize my everyday life wonderfully without the outdoors or continue to avoid contact with it. And you'd think that both the outdoors and I could live with that. Not at all, because there's something in the outdoors that won't allow it. Other people.
In my experience, they seem to be more inclined toward the outdoors and activities in general, and those in the outdoors in particular, which makes them the opposite of me. Okay, I have no problem with that—because they are outside and I am not, so everyone should be happy, right?
No, because it doesn't work that way. Why don't I want to go outside? I should want to go outside, and I probably do, but I'm too stubborn to admit it. Besides, it's much healthier—which is always funny when I hear that from someone with a runny nose, while I haven't been sick in 10 years. But that's antisocial (yes, maybe I don't have the statistical 2-4 colds a year that a “healthy adult” catches on average), I definitely have depression, or some kind of anxiety or phobia, or... I'll leave the wilder speculations out of it. Summed up in my mother's words:
“There's something wrong with you, child.”
Today I know what's wrong with me: I'm not normal. Really, I'm not. Because when you look at it objectively, normal is only applicable in the medium term – and then in the form of: “The average of what occurs most frequently” – at least according to my definition.
Of course, “not normal” is only a problem when it comes with THAT undertone. This mixture of pity, disgust, and fear—not as in “Wow, that's not normal” as we say about musical or other child prodigies. So deviation from the norm is not always the same deviation from the norm—because even strong extroversion is usually a deviation from the norm. But it is viewed positively as courageous, self-confident, sociable, spontaneous, etc.
So what makes extroverts so popular and introverts a case for the psychiatrist?
What they reflect to others out there.
Extroverts need their audience, their recognition, the competition, the spotlight – and others know that they are what this person needs, they are important, the show is for them. This means that the more important they make him, the more significance they believe they have.
And introverts reflect the opposite: I don't need you. And, similar to extroverts, this can be a misconception. But this reflection, whether right or wrong, shows something that society doesn't like, that threatens it. Because more than all violence, sabotage, or criticism, it fears what all people fear: insignificance.
And I get that. But still, even though it took me a long time to realize this: just because I can understand something doesn't mean I have to accept it for myself or as a judgment about myself.
The right to freedom is a human right – why does that always just mean that no one can be locked up against their will? What about being dragged out of your home against your will and forced to do stuff? Not being allowed to choose who you want to spend your time with – or not?
When I started writing today, I wasn't quite sure what to call this curly thought, so my working title was: introverted does not equal disorder.
But I'm glad that at the end of the text I finally got to the heart of the matter:
Curly thoughts about ... species-appropriate care.
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