What it feels like to let go of a universe (even though it hasn’t let go of you)
The beta phase has begun. The German version went out last week, the English one just four days ago – to my wonderful beta readers.
And now? Now the wait begins. Or rather: the restless circling of my inbox.
Because anyone who thinks a book is finished when the last scene is written has clearly never experienced what it feels like when someone else starts reading it – with fresh eyes, their own thoughts … and maybe the realization that you, as the writer, are still too close.
Because honestly – it doesn't feel finished yet. Not wrong, not incomplete – just: not finished enough.
And that’s the hard part.
It’s a bit like having your mother-in-law over: you clean up, the doorbell rings, you open the door – and only then do you realize there’s still a sock under the couch. Or a monster.
And suddenly you think:
Wait a minute. Maybe that bookshelf should go. Maybe that’s too much purple. What if she finds the basement?
Or worse: the attic.
Then she walks in – stopwatch in hand, notepad at the ready … and asks, “Why is that chair here?”
And you think: Because it belongs there. Or does it? Oh god.
The beta phase isn’t the end of the writing process. But it’s the moment you decide the book no longer belongs only to you.
It now belongs to those who are testing it. Exploring it. Challenging it.
And that’s exactly the point: to make it better. Truer. More Space Time.
The beta phase is when you can no longer protect your own work.
You can’t explain it, defend it, reword it.
It’s out there.
And you? You’re sitting there – ears perked, coffee in hand, a little breathless – wondering if anyone will notice that page 47 doesn’t actually talk to page 132 yet.
But that’s why we have beta readers.
Because they see what you can’t anymore.
Because they find the dust you’ve already started calling “patina.”
Because they help make sure the book ends up not just well-meaning – but downright brilliant.
The test runs through the end of August.
After that, it’s time to dive in. Or turn it all inside out.
But for now:
Door closed. Sign up.
"Do Not Disturb – Beta Testing."
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