(Independent, investigative, guaranteed to be untrained in journalism!)
📡 APOCALYPSE IN THE LIVING ROOM: TVs ARE TALKING TO US!
The government is remaining silent – aliens are laughing up their sleeves – citizens are panicking!
Eerie repetition of 2010! Was that first contact? Or a planned AI rampage?!
Forget everything you thought you knew about your TV. THE BOX HAS ITS OWN CONSCIOUSNESS!
Last Thursday, a series of unprecedented paranormal events occurred in Hooksett, near Concord, that call into question everything scientists have ever told us about technology.
A strange phenomenon has been shaking the streets of Hooksett since last Monday. This time, not only strange noises are coming from the televisions, but also from otherwise “noiseless” assistants, who suddenly begin to insult their owners.
A row of aging satellite dishes, all of which suddenly turned in the direction of the houses, is once again the focus of an even more mysterious story. Eyewitnesses report a wave of “unnatural” events in which Alexa & Co. suddenly refused to work and started talking to themselves in panic.
“I was comfortably watching 'Housewives in Hell' when suddenly a voice whispered, 'Martha, you're ready...',” reports the visibly distraught Martha B. ”I swear it wasn't from the show! I thought my husband was talking to me – but he's been dead for ten years!”
😱 AND SHE WAS NOT THE ONLY ONE! AND IT WAS NOT THE FIRST TIME! 😱
Remembering the shocking discovery of 2010:
“There was a mess like this here before!” reports Joe H. (58), a pensioner and amateur philosopher who witnessed the first mysterious incident in a neighboring small town in 2010. ”It was exactly the same: all satellite dishes suddenly turned in the wrong direction. People started reporting that they heard voices coming from their televisions, as if they were being addressed. Back then, everyone was advancing the theory that it was the government spying on us.”
But what about this new wave? According to some eyewitnesses, the invisible stream of technology began to exert a massive influence on the behavior of seemingly harmless devices in the last few days. “I just wanted to tell my Alexa to find me a recipe for chili when she suddenly snapped at me,” reports Claudia M. (33), a local barista and self-help group leader. “She told me to stop bothering her with my cooking ambitions – as if I was bothering a man… well, she was very rude. And then she just turned on the TV. A TV program with two hours of… parrots saying “hello” the whole time!”
At least 17 citizens reported mysterious voices coming from their televisions – and the best (or worst) part:
ALL OF THE CITY'S SATELLITE DISHES TURNED TOWARDS THE HOUSES – JUST LIKE NEARLY 19 YEARS AGO!
Some astrologers suspect an unusual technical reaction to the combination of energy nodes in the area and the Saturn cycle, but all that is officially said about it is that it is “technically impossible”.
🚨 TECHNICALLY IMPOSSIBLE - BUT IT HAPPENED! 🚨
🔬 The official theories (from people who don't want to tell you the truth!):
- “A faulty signal amplifier” – Right, and the earth is flat!
- “Conversations from the neighborhood were amplified” – Of course, because my neighbor is always discussing my love life while I'm watching Demon Housewives!
- “Maybe we're dealing with a solar storm” – What?! When has a solar storm ever made satellite dishes BOIL?!
🎙️ One affected person describes the horror:
“My TV said, 'Want to know what's behind the picture?' I immediately pulled the plug – but then the TOASTER started laughing at me!”
💀 Have the machines awakened?
Is this a sign of the global AI revolution?
Or is it... GHOSTS?
Official sources remain silent. NOT A SINGLE government representative was willing to comment. (Which we take as an unequivocal admission of guilt!)
But what really concerns us: could there be a connection between the strange satellite mergers of 2010 and the current runaway devices?
Were the satellite dishes watching us back then?
“We are certain that something between the worlds is there, simply watching us,” explains Dr. Fionna Leech, an independent ‘phenomenologist’ we asked for comment. ”This is the only plausible connection. Maybe some kind of interdimensional interface that makes us a target. Or – and this is my theory – it's a secret interdimensional artificial intelligence that was tricked by the systems. It's stuck in an infinite feedback loop.”
Confusion in the streets of Hooksett:
Residents report that many smart home devices – such as networked coffee machines and intelligent refrigerators – are suddenly acting against their owners. “I saw my refrigerator close in front of my nose. And when I finally got it to open up with the promise of buying the ice cream machine it was after – the lettuce in it had wilted and the milk gone sour – and so did I. I have a really bad feeling when I look at the fridge now. I'm not sure, but it felt like he wanted to tell me something. Something bad,” explains Tim B., (45), IT technician and self-confessed tech freak.
But the really creepy thing is the fact that not only the refrigerator, but also the coffee machine went their own way – in constant return to “coincidence” and “unpredictability”. “It was utter chaos. But now I know why my Alexa suddenly said she wasn't responsible for my breakfast planning,” says Anna K. (39), a teacher. ”The devices went rogue – and it suddenly dawned on me that something else was behind it. Whatever it is... it's back.”
The 2010 and 2029 mystery:
The burning question remains: what is causing these events? And what about the link between the events of 2010 and the current attacks by the devices on the mental and, to some extent, physical health of their owners? The evidence suggests that a kind of “cycle” is taking place, possibly repeating itself every few years. But Saturn? Is it a one-time incident? Or a long-term “connection” – the question remains unresolved.
Editor's note:
After extensive research and many unsuccessful attempts to consult experts (most of them simply hung up on us), we regret to report:
- a) We are not sure if the satellites had anything to do with it.
- b) No, alexas are not evil.
- c) We still don't know exactly what happened in 2010.
- d) The fridge? Maybe it was just in a bad mood.
✋ Correction to the editorial team's correction:
After extensive research (three minutes of googling and a phone call to cousin Joey, who used to be an electrical engineer), they “found out” that the incident was probably caused by a broken amplifier.
💡 BUT WHY WERE THE SATELLITE DISHES MELTED?
💡 WHY WAS EVERYONE POINTING AT BUILDINGS?
💡 AND WHY DID MARTHA'S TOASTER LAUGhed ALONG?
For now, our suspicions remain as speculative as ever. And yet – who can really know the real truth™? Our sources remain silent, but we – we keep talking.
Nothing has been settled here yet! STAY TUNED! 🛸
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