Golf, secret codes and a turtle A few days ago, I never would have thought that I would be talking to an FBI agent who (probably purely by chance) came across the topic and took on my research about a lost turtle.
And yet, there I was last night in a bar with Agent Lynch, who explained to me why a missing reptile ad could actually be a coded message. I'll admit, it was a little unsettling to learn that there are people who can see right through something like this – and that these people work for the FBI. But she asked the crucial question: “What if they're not phone numbers?”
Our investigation started with a simple realization: the supposed phone numbers in the ads didn't make sense unless you thought of them as times and dates. As we dug deeper, we discovered that these turtle ads had been popping up intermittently across the region over the past 12 months. And then it got really weird: when we cross-referenced this data with other events in the region, it turned out to coincide exactly with regional golf tournaments. Yes, you read that right – golf tournaments.
What does it mean? Who is using turtles as a secret code for golf course meetings? And why? Agent Lynch and I have a few theories. One is that this could be the communication channel for a secret organization operating out of golf courses. Another possibility, and it's just as disturbing, is that turtles secretly play golf. And we're in the process of uncovering a deeply buried truth.
Agent Lynch was as fascinated as he was disturbed by this find. “Golf tournaments are perfect for discreet meetings, but why a turtle as a code?” Perhaps the term itself was a code, an abbreviation or a reference to something we hadn't yet understood. Was the turtle just a red herring to make it seem harmless? Or was it the symbolism? Turtles represent stability, patience and a long lifespan – attributes that could well apply to political machinations. Or it could also – and here you can see that we are quite prepared to think outside the box – be a conspiracy with the aim of acquiring the formula for longevity and perhaps even...
...but seriously: whoever is behind these ads has really tried hard not to be discovered. But now the cat is out of the bag. What happens next? Will we find more turtle ads? More secret meetings? We will keep digging and take any information that could lead to the solution of this mystery very seriously. So, if you have any leads, please contact our editorial team, Operation: Slow Crawl.
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